11 Months

This has always been my favorite photograph of my mother.

It's been eleven months since I posted here; there are a multitude of reasons, but the one I will mention is the one that initially threw my cable car off track, and I've never been back to catch up.

My mother died July 4th, 2007 - unexpectedly and suddenly - after a side effect of a medicine she had been taking reacted to her body being dehydrated from a stomach bug.

She was in ICU for a week in Florida, the same ICU where she was working as a nurse. So her friends and co-workers cared for both her & myself during her last week, as they struggled with their own emotions.

Her hospital wrote off most of her $300+K bill, and created a nursing scholarship for her alma mater in her name. The entire experience was horrifying and beautiful at the same time. God was very present in his comfort, every single day in big and small details, and I am so thankful.

I missed her more on my recent birthday than on Mother's Day, as she used to call and sing "Happy Birthday" to me on the phone.

I wish I could say she was my best friend, the best mother ever, etc. But that would not be true. I loved her, though. There was a lot of potential for us, but she chose differently, and eventually so did I.

Our relationship was complicated to say the least, and many years were fraught with misunderstanding, negativity, and anger on both sides. Especially the last year, so that's a burden my heart will carry on its own.

But, the blessing in all the horror is that some healing was able to take place during my week at her bedside, even after she was unresponsive several days in. A blessing. Still.

God works in the mess of it all. In the absolute life-altering crises. I fail to see it most times, but then - BAM - oh, there You are. Thank goodness.

Our family's still functioning during this blog hiatus and kids are beautiful, brilliant and healthy. Thank goodness.